The Internet and its benefits from the perspective of a teenager

Talking to children and teenagers is not always an easy task – we’ve all been teens before, and get it. When I first approached Xavier, 14, to talk about how he engages with the online world, I was quite concerned that I would be seen as yet another adult trying to reduce his screen time. But it all turned out well. Over a video call, I explained to Xavier that this interview is intended to be sort of a conversation starter for parents and their kids about the internet use and safety, something of a starting point for discussions about a subject that often causes disagreements, if not heated arguments between parents and their kids.

Is the online world part of the real world?

Despite being only 14, Xavier has already lived in a few countries. Born in Brazil, he moved to Mozambique, then to Portugal, and now lives in France. For this reason, while most kids his age have only been to two schools, Xavier has been through various education systems and even different languages of instruction. But above all, he has met other kids in all these places, and has made a few friends everywhere he´s lived.

This is partly why, Xavier said, social media platforms are the only way for him to keep in touch with friends several thousand kilometers away, and sometimes also with his current schoolmates. “I use WhatsApp, and direct messages on TikTok and Discord as well. I am really shy as a person. I’m not really a good texter and prefer video calls,” he says. 

“So do you think online life is real life?” I wondered. “Yeah, it is part of my life. When I’m online, I act more like the person that I actually am,” he admitted. Offline, meanwhile, he says he’s sometimes scared of what others think of him. “I don't know why I don't act more like myself. But I'm working on it,” he said.

A place of (self-)discovery

When the pandemic-induced lockdowns began, suddenly everybody had to adjust to being physically separated from their friends and schoolmates. Indeed, home schooling changed the lives of all kids, and not just because a laptop became a daily necessity (which was not accessible to all). For the lucky ones, however, time spent in front of a screen became a minor issue as classes, homework and entertainment were all limited to a few square meters. For parents, this was both a blessing and a nightmare.

For kids, mainly for those in their teens like Xavier, this may have even lead to a silent moment of self-discovery. “Because I would just stay at home, I would spend some of my spare time playing video games, watching TV shows. And even though it seems really bad, it has actually helped me. It made me learn a bit more about myself and my personality. While I was stuck on online ‘mode,’ I got to experience and figure out new stuff.” 

For instance, Xavier continued, “it helped me get into anime, comics, manga, books and video games that I didn't know existed ... Before, I liked the music I would listen to on the radio, but when I started searching for music by myself online, I discovered that I like other kinds of music as well, like K-pop.”

For Xavier, this reality where everything is online, where “even our idols are online,” is something parents may not understand. They forget, he notes, that they had “television and magazines, and now all of that is on the internet.” 

Kids of all generations, Xavier explains, “are just curious and want to learn new things”, although he is mindful of the risks of the internet for kids. “Unless it's unsafe or inappropriate for their age, parents should consider letting their kids explore the online world with confidence and ‘discover themselves,’ although not without some supervision. Parents might think some stuff is shocking, because it is something they may not have been used to, like ripped jeans or big boots! It's freedom of expression. People should just be able to express themselves.”

Most parents will have heard about Roblox, the gaming platform which is also Xavier’s favorite online service. “It's not like you only have one specific video game, though. Roblox is different from many other platforms in that the games that it offers were not created by Roblox, but by real teenagers.” Roblox is not just fun – it may also give teens some grounding in coding and 3D modeling, all while helping them learn the importance of teamwork.

Does that mean you play with other kids? “Yes,” Xavier answered. “There are also many other video games that you can play with friends. One of the games that I play, Genshin Impact, is mostly like your own world that you can explore, and sometimes your friends can also join in.” But a parent’s main concern is, understandably, who exactly those “friends” are. I discussed this issue with Xavier, hinting partly at ‘stranger danger’ online and the need to be cautious of people who the kids have never met in real life.

The internet as a study tool

“Some parents may think that kids just go to the internet to waste time, and that it doesn’t help them in their studies. But actually, the internet is full of information that you may not even learn about at school,” claims Xavier. All devices became a source of nearly unlimited knowledge, and they are accessible to almost anyone, so “even expensive professional calculators can be used on the internet for free.”

“The internet is not just a waste of time – it is also a place to learn,” Apart from school-related knowledge, the internet also has “the knowledge that parents may refuse to talk about. There are topics both parents and kids may be too shy to discuss and we can find many resources that make us more open-minded than our parents.” The internet, Xavier concludes, “gives us much more information than our parents ever had access to.” 

How can parents help their kids stay safe online?

For Xavier, it’s clear that “it’s the parents’ responsibility to prepare their kids for the online world and supervise them online,” emphasizing that he himself still needs parental consent to play and use apps. But discussing the internet and online behavior with children can be tricky. To solve this, Xavier suggests these five tricks to help adults deal with their young ones:

1. Keep an eye on your child, especially when they first start using the internet. They may hate it and think you are the worst person in the world, but for the sake of their own safety, do keep an eye on them. Once they’re a little older, consider relaxing some limits or gradually giving them some freedom. 
2. Know the apps and games your child uses, and show them the websites they can use to find information.
3. Make time to play games with your children. That way, you can see what they do online and you can spend some time together. Try to be a sort of ‘role model’ to them.
4. Don’t simply tell your kids they can’t use social media: this may only push them to use the sites anyway, and what’s worse they may do it ‘on the sly’. Instead, try to understand why and how they use them and explain the risks to them.
5. Set up your own accounts on the same social media they use and follow them to keep an eye on what they share.

Bottom line is, “Try to be there, but also give us some freedom. Don’t be mad at us: if you want us to understand something, you need to explain it.”

To elaborate on Xavier’s words (and in case we didn’t sufficiently stress this aspect) – the key is to establish a good rapport and keep lines of communication open with your children. Ensuring that they use technology responsibly and stay safe online is a collaborative task. You may not be able to control their internet access and habits everywhere and at all times, so it’s better to equip them with the right knowledge, and to build an environment where they can ask questions freely. Listen and provide advice to them, make sure that they’re aware of at least the most common threats they may encounter online. This all will go a long way towards ultimately helping them avoid cyberbullying, grooming, scams and other dangers lurking on the internet.

Protecting, but also understanding children

Because I grew up at a time when the internet began to become a vital part of the modern world, I recognize myself in many of Xavier’s words. The numerous services and distractions that are available at our children’s fingertips, however, make it a challenge for parents and legal guardians to protect their children from harm. A few years ago the dangers were in the streets, but being safe now also involves online and virtual environments – what children read, what they watch, with whom they talk. 

Ultimately, however, kids these days are growing with more skills and a better understanding of their future possibilities. It is up to us, the grown-ups, to do our part to help them navigate these immense resources. But let’s not forget that to do this well, we need to understand how these technologies and services work. And what is better than learning together with our kids?

This article was written by ESET Security Writer André Lameiras.