Don’t ignore it, report it: Teach your kids how to react to hate speech and cyberhate

What are some of the types of inappropriate behavior?

Hate speech – The International Network Against Cyber Hate defines hate speech as:

• intentional or unintentional public discriminatory and/or defamatory statements
• intentional incitement to hatred and/or violence and/or segregation based on a person’s or a group’s actual or perceived race, ethnicity, language, nationality, skin color, religious beliefs or lack thereof, gender, gender identity, sex, sexual orientation, political beliefs, social status, birth, age, mental or physical health, disability, disease.

Cyberhate – hate speech done through electronic media (for example, via SMS). If it is happening online, it can be called online hate speech.

Cyberbullying – UNICEF defines cyberbullying as:

• bullying with digital technologies, including social media, messaging platforms, gaming platforms and mobile phones.
• repeated behavior aimed at scaring, angering or shaming those targeted.
• compared to hate speech, in the case of cyberbullying, the bully does not have to discriminate against their victim based on identity. Therefore, not every cyberbullying is considered cyberhate. 

“Like, comment, share.”

The internet is a great place where children can develop and acquire new knowledge. But there are also places on the internet that spread hatred and propaganda. Why does it happen so easily? People behave differently online than in physical world. They tend to act impulsively and are subject to the disinhibition effect. They are less attuned to social norms, which allows aggression to flow more easily. “We are more tactless with each other, we have much less inhibition, and we often do things with greater intensity on the Internet,” says Jarmila Tomkova. So, people are more likely to join in spreading the hate online than in real life. 

Online, people are also less attentive when reading the news. Everything is fast-paced and filled with a lot of information and commentary. Internet users can't possibly think critically about everything. Before teaching your children to handle cyberhate, explain the specifics of the online environment.

Because information spreads across the Internet with great speed, cyberhate is potentially more harmful than offline hate speech as it can reach more people more quickly. “In general, cyberhate may hurt on three levels. It harms the individual, the group the victim is a part of, and the whole society in general – by creating a culture of hate and intolerance,” Tomkova suggests. Behavior classified as cyberhate can have serious consequences, ranging from financial fines to imprisonment.

How to respond to hate – both online and offline

Have your kids experienced hate speech in person? Advise them to end the conversation with a fact.

“It is good not to escalate the conflict, but at the same time remaining passive is no better," says child psychologist Jarmila Tomkova. Your children should know how to intervene, help cool down the conversation, and end it with a fact. “The hater won't admit that the other person might be right; they won't accept the other´s opinions,” explains Tomkova. Sometimes, even witnesses feel threatened and join the side of the more powerful one – usually the abuser. Explain to your kids why they should refrain from supporting an attacker and rather support the victim.

Also, if your kids witness hate speech, they can express their disagreement with the hate, for example, by leaving the room together with the victim. Also, in some cases, your child can accompany the victim to the police station. “If I, as a witness of hatred offline, am willing to accompany the victim, it will help them from the psychological perspective. They will understand that they are not alone in thinking that the behavior is not okay. Standing up for somebody helps create a narrative of support and justice,” says Tomkova. 

Generally, the most important part is ensuring the victim is not alone. Your children can encourage the hurt individual, for example, by leaving them a kind message, by supporting them to share their feelings with their parents or by helping them find safe places to turn to – for example, a helpline or a psychologist.

At school, the incident should first be reported to the school authorities. The institution is obligated to fight against bullying and hate, and to ensure the safety of children. A teacher or principal should then contact the parents and police. "Children may be afraid to address the authorities themselves. That's why I would suggest having mailboxes for anonymous reporting of such situations," says the psychologist. 

Three possible strategies for dealing with hate speech:

1. Do nothing: this is not recommended, but at least your child will not increase the evil.
2. Counter hate: this is not recommended. Hating the hater supports the narrative of hatred.
3. Alternative narrative: this is recommended. Your child can show their disagreement with the hatred and try to set a different tone for the conversation, add a factual argument, and/or lighten the situation with intelligent humor.

Is your child witnessing cyber hate? Make sure they report it to the site admins.

When your child witnesses cyberhate, they should not share it, like it or respond with an emoji. These actions only help the hate to spread faster. If they choose to interact, they should use the alternative narrative. As in real life – advise them to try to end the conversation with a fact. Discuss with your children why they shouldn't just ignore things they see online. 

They can make screenshots of the cyberhate and report the incident to the admins. The more reports admins receive, the more likely they are to deal with the incident. Your child can also block the hater and explain to admins why they are doing so. Nevertheless, it’s good to remember that admins can be overwhelmed with similar requests and may be slow to react. Therefore, if the situation is serious, it is also recommended to report the incident to the police. 

Is your child a victim of hate speech or cyberhate? Encourage them to share. 

Try to start an open discussion and hear your child out. Try to understand their feelings. Show concern and take the situation seriously. As adults we need to resolve the incident and create a safe environment while psychologically supporting our children. Together, you can report the incident to the relevant authorities and, if necessary, seek psychological help. Explain why hate speech and cyberhate do not belong in fair conversations – and let your children become role models for others.