Picture this: you’re in a rush to leave for a family Christmas visit, but your child isn’t moving as fast as you need. Desperate for a quick solution, you promise, “If you get ready quickly, you can have extra time on your phone when we get home.” And, to no surprise, these words seem to work magic on your child – but is this the right approach?
According to Jarmila Tomkova, while it’s perfectly understandable to reach for screentime as a motivator in stressful moments, it’s not ideal for fostering healthy habits. Here's why: tying screentime to rewards can unintentionally shape how your child views it – potentially turning it into a prized “treat” rather than a tool to be used responsibly.
How to build healthy habits when it comes to screentime?
Learn more in our articles:
Rethinking rewards: What message are we sending?
To understand why screentime might not be the best reward, it’s helpful to think about what we do by rewarding children’s behavior. “When we offer something as a reward, we assign it extra weight – it becomes something to strive for, something desirable and important,” Jarmila Tomkova explains. For children, this can significantly impact how they perceive that particular activity or item.
Screentime is already highly appealing to kids and teens. As parents, it’s crucial to acknowledge the role of smart devices in our kids’ lives. But instead of positioning screentime as a valued prize for good behavior, we need to approach it like other aspects of everyday life that require responsibility – like healthy eating or personal hygiene.
Understanding the modern relationship with screens
Different generations perceive screentime in very different ways. For many parents, who didn’t grow up with smart devices, screentime (outside work) often feels like a luxury – an optional addition to life. However, for today’s kids and teens, devices have become central to their daily lives. Phones aren’t just entertainment; they’re tools for connection, learning, and even independence. As child psychologist Jarmila Tomkova points out, young people often view access to their devices as a necessity: something integral to their sense of freedom and social belonging. For this reason, using screentime as a spur-of-the-moment reward or punishment can disrupt the healthy routines you’re trying to build and may make screentime feel even more significant than it should be. Instead, focus on guiding your child toward balanced, responsible use as part of their everyday life.
Think about how we teach children to eat well. We provide healthy meals, emphasize balance, and allow the occasional indulgence – a treat now and then. We also try to behave as an example, showing children that we also try to follow healthy habits we have set for ourselves. Similarly, when it comes to screentime, the goal should be to help children develop a healthy relationship with it. Teach them how to use it productively, set boundaries, and understand its role as part of a balanced routine.
By making screentime a reward, we risk reinforcing its appeal, making it seem even more desirable and potentially creating an unhealthy fixation. Over time, this could strengthen a child’s dependency on screentime as a source of motivation or comfort. Instead, treating screentime as a neutral, everyday part of life – like brushing teeth or eating dinner – can help kids view it in a balanced way, as a tool for learning, connection, and fun, rather than a coveted prize. Using screen time as a reward might foster external motivation around user habits, but it can undermine the development of an internal sense of agency, which is essential for helping our child build self-regulation and autonomy.
Recognize milestones, not moments
Instead of tying screentime to quick rewards for certain behavior in the moment, think about incorporating it into your child’s broader developmental journey. Introduce screentime slowly, starting with clear limits. As your child demonstrates they can respect boundaries and balance their time effectively, you can expand their access. For example, once they’ve shown they can manage one app responsibly, allow them to explore another. When your child shows consistent maturity – whether it’s balancing homework, hobbies, and family time, or adhering to long-term responsibilities – acknowledge this growth with greater freedom. For instance, offering a bit more daily screentime can signal your trust in their ability to manage it wisely. By framing screentime as part of a natural progression instead of a coveted prize, you teach children to view it as a tool to be integrated thoughtfully into their lives – not as something they should chase after.
Shifting focus: Rewards that truly matter
So, what should you offer as a reward instead of screentime? When it comes to rewards, it’s worth asking: what values do you want to foster in your child? Rewards are opportunities to underline what’s important in life. So, the best rewards are those that promote connection, growth, and joy. A trip to a museum, zoo, concert, or theater can nurture curiosity and create lasting memories. Sports tickets or hobby-related gifts encourage your child to invest in their passions. And often, the most meaningful reward isn’t material at all – it’s your time.
Tip: Ask your children what they would appreciate as a reward. This way, you allow them to take the initiative and make them feel heard.
As Jarmila Tomkova points out, “When asked, children often surprise their parents with what they want most. It’s not the latest gadget or extra screentime – it’s quality time together. They want to cook as a family, go on an adventure, or have a weekly game night with their parents.” So, instead of focusing on short-term incentives like screentime, think bigger. Use rewards to deepen your connection with your child and celebrate the things that truly matter. After all, the greatest gift you can give – not only on Christmas – is the example you set and the moments you share. These are the rewards that help your child thrive. Not just today, but for the future.
With ESET Parental Control for Android
TRY FREE FOR 30 DAYSWinter holidays are just around the corner, and many kids will find shiny new devices under the Christmas tree. But as parents, we often grapple with a big question: should screentime really be used as a reward? We teamed up with child psychologist Jarmila Tomkova to explore why this seemingly harmless practice might not be the best move – and what alternatives could make your family routines smoother and happier.
Together with child psychologist Jarmila Tomková, we've prepared some FAQs and common parental worries regarding excessive internet use. Find out why such habits might be problematic—after all, your children might not be the only ones in your household with these habits—and learn how to address and improve them.
In the digital age, technology has become a constant companion in our lives, and even more so for the generation that we born into this new age.
