“Mum, don’t embarrass me!” – What do children think of their parents’ netiquette?

The answers we gathered touched on a range of subjects – from sharing pictures to managing screen time and using emojis. Is it time for parents to absorb some wisdom from the younger generation? Or do our children still have a few lessons to learn? Clearly, both sides can benefit from listening and having open conversations with each other.  

Let’s look at the advice the younger generation has to offer and see whether their parents should follow these tips or rather stick to their old habits – perhaps for the sake of their child’s online safety. 

• “Why would my mum follow my friends on Instagram?” (boy, 13)

Should you follow your children’s friends online? This decision is a nuanced one involving various factors. Age certainly plays a role, as younger children might benefit from additional online supervision. Following your child’s friends can help you stay attuned to their interactions and keep them safe. However, as children mature and demonstrate responsible behaviour online, granting them more freedom may make them happy and benefit their ability to navigate the online world more independently. 

Trust and communication also play a crucial role; a robust and open relationship with your child might make them comfortable with you connecting with their friends. Every child and each situation is different, however, so it's important to account for the unique personalities and preferences of your child and their friends.

Ultimately, the decision should be grounded in open communication, mutual respect, and understanding of everyone's comfort levels. Suppose you choose to follow your child’s friends online. In that case, it's vital to respect their privacy and refrain from intruding on private conversations, sharing sensitive information, or commenting on personal matters. Try to find a balance between responsible parenting and respecting your child's need for independence and personal space.

• “Don’t use the peach emoji if you don’t know what it means! And OMG isn’t ‘Only Mean Gorillas!’” (girl, 12)

You may feel that using emojis and fun acronyms will make your communication style more relatable and laid–back, which may be true – if you know the connotations your messages could imply. Using emojis and acronyms without understanding their context might be inauthentic and forced. 

Generally, it’s always better to communicate in a way that feels natural to you. Still, if you want to keep up with your child’s communication style, you can use your child’s social media use as an opportunity to learn from them and give them a chance to be your guide. Asking your child to explain the meaning behind a particular emoji or acronym can lead to interesting conversations and fun bonding time. It is also useful to bridge the generational gap and encourage your child to think of you as an ally rather than just a rule-maker. 

• “I look horrible in that pic. Why would they share it?” (girl, 13)

Sharing pictures of your children online is a big decision. Here are some things to consider before hitting the “post” button:

Privacy and emotions: We’ve already touched upon the fact that teenagers and tweens value their privacy. Sharing their pictures without first asking for their approval might make them feel like their personal space is being invaded. By seeking their approval, you show that you respect their feelings and want them to be comfortable.

Future impact: Remember that pictures shared today can have a lasting impact. Your child might worry about how these images could affect their future, such as when they're applying for university or jobs and forming relationships.

Staying safe: Sharing your child's pictures publicly could expose them to potential risks, from unwanted attention to cyberbullying. It's essential to make sure that the pictures you share don't reveal information that others could use in a harmful way.

Different points of view: Consider the emotions behind the pictures you want to share. Some images might make you laugh at your kid’s cuteness but cause your child to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Respecting their friends and peers: When you share pictures of your child, for instance, playing at a school concert, you might also involve their friends or classmates. Try to ensure that everyone is okay with being included in your posts by asking the kids or their parents for their consent before posting. If this seems impossible without feeling inappropriate or intrusive, it may be better to respect others’ privacy by not posting that photo or video at all. 

Posting pictures of your children can be a way to celebrate their achievements and share your favourite memories –  but remember to keep their feelings, privacy and safety in mind. Talk to your child openly about how they feel about sharing pictures. These conversations can help you understand their preferences and concerns; together, you can decide on boundaries that work for everyone. A dialogue like this can be a valuable lesson for your children and help them learn netiquette and think critically about social media. 

• “Stop making TikToks! You don’t know how to do that move! If you’re going to make a fool of yourself, my friends could see that and laugh at me.” (girl, 12)

Children’s concerns regarding potential embarrassment caused by their parents are understandable and valid to a certain extent. Parents should be aware that their online actions can have an impact on their children. At the same time, having fun and expressing oneself doesn't have an age limit. And many creators are living proof of that! A good example is Lillian Droniak, a 92-year-old lady whose TikTok profile has attracted over 11 million followers.

If your child is worried about your self-representation on social media, you can use this situation as an opportunity to teach them about confidence and embracing one’s freedom of expression and creativity. Expressing joy and having fun, even on a public site like TikTok, can be a positive and healthy way to show that parents, like other people, are multidimensional individuals. However, if your child feels uncomfortable with your posts, you may try to find a middle ground or perhaps share your posts with only a limited amount of people that doesn’t include your child’s friends. 

• “My parents keep telling me what I should and shouldn’t share. But I told them so many times that my account is private and only my friends can see it! They should give me more freedom.” (girl, 13)

If your child uses social media, familiarise yourself with the platform’s privacy settings and how they work. This knowledge can help you understand the limitations of your child’s interactions and posts. However, one aspect to consider is that when things are posted online – even for a small group of people to see, they become public by default. If one of the child’s friends, for instance, takes a screenshot of a posted photo and shares it with someone else, the reach of the picture becomes impossible to control. Both you and your children should be aware of this fact and always consider it before posting anything on your profile. 

As with other tips, the key here is to consider safety while allowing your child to feel empowered and responsible for their actions. Try to collaboratively establish guidelines for online interactions and discuss what type of engagement is acceptable. Once the rules are explained, show some trust in your child's judgment and their ability to manage their online presence by keeping a close eye on their posts and ensuring they are sticking to the pre-established guidelines while refraining from commenting on each post they share. 

• “They wouldn´t let me use my phone for the entire trip! Like how can I keep up with everybody if they keep doing that?” (boy, 13)

While kids may not be happy to hear this, screen time limits are set with their well-being in mind. Excessive screen time can impact physical health, sleep patterns, and overall mental well-being. By imposing limits, parents aim to create a healthy balance between online and offline activities. On the other hand, you should remember that social media is not the enemy. It enables our children to communicate with friends, express their thoughts and explore various topics. Overly limiting kids' desire to explore the online world may lead to rebellious behaviour. Still, it can also lead to less opportunity for children to learn to navigate the internet. 

Final thoughts...

Your approach to screentime should be balanced based on risk and benefit. To set an effective process for setting rules, allow your kids to be part of the decision-making. This will help them feel empowered and less likely to rebel against your recommendations. Listen to their opinions and try to find a compromise between their desires and your own views. Suppose you still end up with a limit your child is unhappy about. In that case, you might agree to revisit the subject later or even consider negotiating additional screen time for completing certain tasks or chores.

Did the answers surprise you? While these tips are not meant to be blindly followed, listening to our children's thoughts can help us all work together to stay safe and have fun on the internet. Let's remember the journey toward digital safety and security is something we can only do as a team by talking and learning from each other.

To learn more about online safety, explore the modules in Digital Matters to empower your child to make safer decisions online.